It’s not a longing for suicide. But a longing for the true and ultimate life with God. In 1 Corinthians 15:31, Paul used the words “I die daily” to indicate the risky situation that he lived each day for the sake of the Gospel.

He used this in the context of the resurrection of the dead. For him, there was no fear of death because of his hope in the resurrection. He saw death face to face on a daily basis. And he looked forward to an eternal life with God. 

A similar concept was expressed by St. John of the Cross: 

“This life that I live
is no life at all,
and so I die continually
until I live with you;
hear me, my God:
I do not desire this life,
I am dying because I do not die.”

~ St. John of the Cross, from “Stanzas of the soul that suffers with longing to see God.”

This focus on dying is due to the constant troubles of life that caused the writer to daily long for the true and eternally fulfilling life with God. Thus he uses a seemingly contradictory phrase “I am dying because I do not die.”

Dying to live – looking forward to true, satisfying, and eternal life with God. 

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