“Hey Alexi, it’s too windy out here. Go inside. The wind will blow you away since you’re too thin.” “The rain should be ok for you. You can walk between the rain drops since you are so thin.” I’ve heard such statements from a young age on a regular basis.
These words were funny and fun for everyone. Except for me. But why should it be a problem for me?
The answer lies in the fact that we form an image of ourselves from how others perceive us. Their words become the “mirror” through which we see ourselves. From a young age we form a “picture” of ourselves by way of this mirror.
We say we should not allow the perception of others to impact us, but we are tremendously affected. We begin to think we don’t measure up as compared to others.
Our mind interprets all of this as rejection. Those who speak such words may never have meant to reject the person in any way, but on the receiving end, this is what the person feels: Rejection
Rejection simply does not remain as something we experienced in the past. It becomes our mindset. It becomes the grid through which we filter everything that we experience. Through our ongoing experience, rejection continues to be a present reality.
Here are some examples of experiences that trigger such a response in us:

• When compared with others
• When someone says we don’t measure up
• When our performance is evaluated
• When overlooked for a promotion
• Failure in an exam
• Joblessness
• Chronic illness
• Any failure

Our minds filter these and other experiences and interprets them as rejection.
Please leave your response in the comments section of this blog post by clicking here.
*This is part one in a series on rejection. Click here to read part 2.

• For those struggling with the effects of rejection please read the series on Inner Healing.

The question was a clear true/false option: “Would you spend up to one hour for resolving a difference of 35 cents in your calculation?” The test was for a promotion to the management team in a company I worked for.
The obvious answer is “no” to spending so much time for an insignificant amount of money. That would be a foolish decision. The test included other questions evaluating the person’s ability to make value judgments that would benefit the company.
On several occasions, Jesus was questioned about his practice of associating with people of less reputation and sinners. It was not seen as a wise decision for a person of his stature in society.
Jesus replied with the story of the shepherd who had one hundred sheep. When he lost one sheep, he left the 99 with someone and personally searched for the one lost sheep. You see, that’s how God the Father handles every sinner who is lost.
But what an unwise and foolish decision. That shepherd risked the entire herd just to search for one. Bad management decision, but that’s the heart of the Father. He values each person so much that he was willing to send his only Son to the earth to be tortured and murdered like a criminal. What a foolish decision!
It was this foolish decision that benefitted you and me as sinners in need of God’s mercy. And it’s this same decision that ought to drive us to see sinners from a different perspective. To God, every sinner is a highly valuable person.
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Years ago I meet a man who practically couldn’t get along with anyone. Not his real name, but I’ll call him John. It was rather odd at first because I realized that everyone walked on eggshells around him. His family members couldn’t stand being around him. In fact they cringed at any contact with him. Almost every time they connected, it was a time filled with tension and strife. He was easily offended and quickly retorted with his words or attitudes.

John had only a few friends. I quickly realized that these were people who lived far away from him. It seemed that the only way people could connect with him was to keep a distance. These friends spoke with him on the phone occasionally and personally met only once a year. They understood his irritability and kept their distance from him physically and emotionally.
We’ve all encountered such people and wondered how to handle the situation. These are the people you see walking up to you and your emotions react with fear and confusion. You know that this interaction will be full of strife and tension. How are we to handle this situation? The ancients understood such people and said: “The vexation (annoyance) of a fool is known at once, but the prudent ignores an insult” (Proverbs 12:16). Either an insult or simply something annoying can rub your ego the wrong way. Proverbs says it’s the fool who allows the emotions to go out of control and takes it out on others. But the prudent learns to ignore such insults.
So when you see such a person walking up to you, check your mind and your heart early. Get ready for this upcoming difficult encounter with an attitude of “pre-forgiveness” for that person. This is where you get ready to meet that person with a preset attitude of forgiveness. Check your heart and see if there is an inflated ego that could easily get deflated by this person’s reactions. Ask the Lord to give you a heart of compassion for this person. Speak to the person with an understanding that you are that “prudent” person who will be able to ignore the insults sent your way.
This perspective of pre-forgiveness is a proactive way of dealing with such people who are habitually abrasive and difficult to deal with. In this way, you don’t ignore the person, nor do you put yourself in the risky situation of being hurt. You are guarding yourself as you continue to interact with this person.
Ready to put your pre-forgiveness to work? Try it this week with at least one person who is difficult to deal with. Then come back to this blog and share your experience in the comments by clicking here.

The story of a man who stepped on a land mine was quite intriguing to read in a recent Indian edition of Readers Digest. Although I’ve previously read stories of people who have stepped on mines, this time I began thinking about those who set such traps. I wonder if they set off their own mines and loose limbs and lives. I’d imagine if they were not extremely systematic and careful, they would fall into their own traps, especially since they are setting up so many land mines in certain areas.
In common daily situations, some have a lifestyle of setting traps for others. It may be with words, procedures, or regulations within bureaucratic settings. The psalmist describes such a person with quite descriptive words: “Behold, the wicked man conceives evil and is pregnant with mischief and gives birth to lies. He makes a pit, digging it out, and falls into the hole he has made. His mischief returns upon his own head, and on his own skull his violence descends” (Psalm 7:14-16).
These are people who are so mischievous that others are not able to relate to them with any sense of normalcy. Maybe we’re not so extreme in our approach. But living in a society or working in an environment that’s heavy on the side of corruption and deceit can be quite a challenge – after some time, we can begin to think and behave in similar ways.
Whatever situation or environment we are in, we must take that initiative to know who we are and be willing to be counter-cultural in our approach. Even if everyone around us is corrupt, we must be different. Even if it is because we know that the one who digs a pit will eventually fall into it.
Share your experience of facing corruption or “pit digging” in the comments section of this blog post.
 

“Fools!” “You all are fools. You’re all idiots. Fools. Arrgh…” And the words went on as this lady became hysterical on the train that I was traveling on. Although her words seemed to be directed at everyone on the train, her anger was focused on one elderly couple who said “Shh” to her son. The little boy happened to be jumping up and down and running around the train while most passengers were resting quietly.

Eventually her words and her anger subsided while everyone remained silent. No one responded to her outrage – it was completely ignored.

The psalmist said “Be angry and do not sin: ponder in your own hearts on your beds, and be silent (Psalm 4:4). Although we may have used this verse many times, there are important factors we need to grasp. The true and basic issue that triggered the anger may be the breach of our honor. “O men, how long shall my honor be turned into shame? How long will you love vain words and seek after lies” (v.2)? The psalmist said that his honor was turned to shame.

As humans we wish to be honored and respected for who we are. When that inner desire is denied and violated, we attempt to protect ourselves. As our vulnerability becomes evident, our response turns to anger. It was in the context of honor that the psalmist said “Be angry, and do not sin” (v4).

He follows up with an appeal to recognize God and to trust Him. The unreliable nature of those around us ought to turn us to God rather than turning us to anger.

As the lady on the train went on with her words, it was clear that she probably grew up with lots of rejection. All of those unresolved issues might have caused her to become such an “explosive” person.

Maybe not just her. Maybe you too. Maybe me too. We all want to be honored and respected for who we are.

Instead of turning to anger, let’s turn to God, and put our trust in him. He understands, because many misunderstood him. The Bible says “He came to his own, and they did not understand him” (John 1:9-12).

Please leave your response in the comments section of this blog post by clicking here.

“Sir, you seem like a man with a look of professionalism and authority.” That was the first time I heard such great words spoken about me. And it certainly felt great. Then the man went on: “You surely deserve to be recognized and acknowledged for the person you are.”

For a moment I basked in that great euphoria. I always wondered when people would begin to realize and acknowledge how “awesome” I am. But as the conversation went on, I began to realize that those great words of praise were just carefully devised words of flattery. He was simply trying to get me to join his multi-level marketing team.

The great words of praise directed towards me seemed to take on a new image as he began explaining how I would be on the road to wealth and affluence if I just attend one of their meetings. When I was hit by the sudden shift of emotions, I realized the potential danger in flattery. The psalmist said “For there is no truth in their mouth; their inmost self is destruction; their throat is an open grave; they flatter with their tongues” (Psalm 5:9).

Nothing new. People have always recognized the inner desire for acceptance and honor. In every society, people have longed for such acceptance. This longing has been leveraged by business people, marketers, politicians, and by many who want to influence others.

So if the need for acceptance and recognition is universal, then what’s the problem with flattery? Why not use it for our own desired results? It would seem that nature has designed it so.

There is a place for praise and acknowledging one’s accomplishments. Indeed we are to recognize others and encourage the good in them. But the problem with flattery is the purpose. The above verse says “their throat is an open grave.” This implies a selfish purpose. When words of praise are spoken solely for the purpose of benefiting the one who speaks, it becomes dangerous flattery.

Now I remember with amusement my experience of being the recipient of flattery. How fragile our emotions are and how easily we can be influenced!

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