“But that’s not what I meant.”
“That’s not what I said.”
“You’ve changed my words around completely.”
These are common responses from people as they speak to someone who is emotionally stirred.
Words may be spoken clearly, but the decoding is muddled with emotions. The speaker’s intentions are misunderstood, and the focus of the message skewed. The bottom line is, be careful when you speak to someone whose emotions are stirred.
The better option is to just listen. Allow the person to speak what’s in their heart. Don’t give too much value to the words you hear. Much of it is simply “venting” their emotions. Just listen.
A few simple questions are good. But not too many. Make them simple questions. Most of all, allow their emotions to settle. Let them listen to their own words. This way, they’ll better understand what’s within them.
The emotions and the ears are connected in quite a unique and challenging way. Work with it.
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It was my final year of college. An important decision had to be made (a resignation). I thought through various options that were before me. I considered the implications that each option presented. I mulled over these things for several weeks as I struggled with making the decision.
Then I remembered that I should talk it over with my pastor and mentor. We sat in a restaurant with coffee mugs in hand as we had done many times. He asked me to share what’s on my mind.
After bringing out all my thoughts regarding the issue and the various options before me, he surprised me with a piercing statement. “Alexi, it seems you’ve already made up your mind.”
Wow! I didn’t realize it, but the decision was already finalized within me. Maybe I was just “bouncing” off a decision that I’d already made.
Now, I see this happening in others. And I hear myself repeating the same words I heard several decades ago. “It seems you’ve already made up your mind.”
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You are correct. You’re knowledgeable. There is no doubt about it. No one can deny it. But please, just keep it to yourself.
Add some compassion to your approach. Without compassion, you’ll just run over everyone with your greatness. Without compassion, knowledge is dangerous.
Have the patience to listen first. Let me talk. This way, you’ll hear my heart. Then, share wisdom and knowledge based on my interests and needs. Otherwise, you become irrelevant. And sorry to say, irrelevant knowledge is annoying.
Without compassion and a listening ear, just take your great knowledge and . . . keep it to yourself.
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Delight can act as a filter. Throughout the day, our perceptions can be altered to fit our perspective of delight. Negatives are seen from a different view.
When we delight in the Law of the Lord, we delight in His ways. His perspectives become out delight. No longer are we looking for what pleases us. We look for His passion. His desires. His ways.
The other option is a perspective of defeat. Situations and people have a greater impact on us rather than God. What others think ends up with greater value than what God thinks.
But when we delight in the Law of the Lord and meditate on it day and night, our perspective changes. It changes from the negatives of this life to the delight of God’s ways!
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