No external response, but you’re displeased. No verbal objections, but you object with every cell in your body. No anger displayed, but your blood boils. You don’t really want to harm anyone, but you are consistently harming yourself.
You are harmed with an ongoing internal cyclone with a spiraling effect deep within. That “cyclone” ultimately translates into physical ailments that are explainable, or gets categorized as genetic or hereditary.
People with such an internalizing nature need to find a suitable solution to the problems they face. A peaceful solution – especially for you.
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How would you calculate that? What’s your worth? I suppose the kidnappers may consider how much your family can afford or how much they can borrow. They’d want to get the maximum but they also want to get rid of you and get the money. How much?
The Israelites were to pay a ransom for their lives to the Lord when the census was taken (Exodus 30:11-16). Sin has made them guilty and the wages of sin is death. So, instead of getting the due penalty of death, they could ransom their lives by payment. Everyone twenty years of age and above were to pay a ransom. It was a set amount for everyone. No one was allowed to pay more or less.
So, let’s come back to the original question. How much are you worth? The ransom paid by the people was never enough. That’s why it was repeated every year. But the full payment was made by Jesus on the cross at Calvary. That’s expensive. And that’s how much you are worth!
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When conformity becomes the measure, everything else gets devalued. Truth, mutual respect, genuine love, and anything else important gets put on the back burner. Oh they’re still important.
“But you’re not like us.”
Why do you do the things you do? Why do you do it the way you do it? It’s too different. If you could just make some adjustments, you could be like us and be accepted. 
“But you’re not like us.”
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He’s not. But he is trying to make a point.
The ordination of Aaron and his sons as priests seem to be quite elaborate. It was seven days of grueling hard work of sacrificing various animals according to the details prescribed.
I wonder about all the detail and extensiveness of the ceremonies during those extended days of ordination. First, I realize that there were ancient traditions that were important to the people. These were vital for them to set people apart for leadership.
Second, I believe there is an imagery that shows that humans are too unworthy to be God’s representatives on the earth. This was represented by all the detailed sacrifices and formalities. It just seems too difficult to please God. And for us as people, and on our own, it is impossible.
You see, as humans we are just too flaky (weak). But because of the sacrifice of Jesus on the cross, he has fulfilled all the requirements. We are now a Kingdom of priests!
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At one time, it was extremely compelling and became the driving force behind the organization. But needs change, people change, and ultimately, the focus may change.
The overall mission probably won’t change since that’s the purpose of the organization’s existence. But fulfilling the purpose takes many steps (vision). Thus the vision needs to change according to the journey.
Don’t let an old vision continue to drive you. Create new ones – still based on your mission – but gradually progressing.
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The responsibility to develop your God-given talents rests on you. If you are not sure where to begin, select three of your top hobbies/passions.
Set an ongoing pattern of training for yourself. If you are not able to enroll in a formal training course, at least get some online training. Just make sure those trainers are reputable and that you’ll get your money’s worth.
Invest a significant amount of time for practice. Although the talent was given by God, developing it rests on your shoulders. As you invest significant amount of time into these passions, one will emerge as primary. You will feel more comfortable with that one, and others who observe you will also affirm you in that one activity. Build on that one.
Get a mentor and begin getting significant insight into your craft. Let that mentor’s experience and learning be an empowering and motivational force for you. You’re getting years of training and experience in a “capsule” form as you work with a mentor or coach.
Finally, be persistent. without looking for short term results, be persistent. Stay with the task. Keep doing it. Keep doing that one task that benefits others. Expecting nothing in return, keep giving through your talent. Month after month, year after year, keep on being faithful in that task. You have the task of developing the talent that God created in you.
Start.
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No sense in explaining yourself when there is no trust.
Especially when there is no trust. We may want to clear things up and explain our actions. But if there is no trust, all our explaining will go to deaf ears and our efforts will be wasted.
Give it time.
Build trust.
Explain.
Then, just leave it to God.
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